Ultimatum

It's almost been one whole year since I've posted a journal entry. Only 54 minutes short, as of when I am typing this sentence. And wow. What a year has passed. So much has happened. To everyone. Not just the people I know. But also the people I don't know.

The natural disasters, and the wars, for example. That's a more recent example.

I'm wondering if I should have a dedicated blog instead of this dA journal, and make it private. Sometimes I just need...a place to rant on. I'd write in a proper diary as someone once suggested. But. I don't know. I don't want my parents ruffling through it innocently.

I don't like my parents sometimes. Actually, no. Just my dad. I just don't get him. I don't know.

There's...so much I feel I could type about. And if I typed about everything that happened in the past year, and everything I've thought about, everything I'm thinking about right now, and other things as well...I might as well type till well past 3U Maths exam starts. But there's really one thing I want to talk about. And that's myself.

I don't actually do that a lot, I realised. So I thought. Maybe I should...just go on and on.

The hardest person to know is often yourself.

Granted, I've changed a bit over the past year. Is it for the better, or the worse? I honestly don't know which outweighs what.

I also wanted to be closer to Him. But sometimes...I wish my parents could also understand. And let me. I think it's partially because of them, that I don't often get to talk to Him a lot.

And if He is truly out there...I wish He could give me a sign. No...pray. "Wishing" is useless with Him. I pray that He would give me a sign. There are simply...so many things I want to ask Him. And if the Father Lord knows all, then...I don't want him to tell me outright. But I at least want to know that He is there for me.

I'm sorry. I just feel like hopeless shit right now.

I guess my priorities have changed too. But sometimes...I don't know. I get torn by what I want and what I should do.

Don't expect me to post here again. If I do, then I will. If I don't, then good luck finding my blog.

And finally...鍾慧靈, if you're still out there, I want you to know that I still won't let go, no matter what. I'm sorry about how I was tonight. But, as I told you, I really do have a lot on mind at the moment. Please forgive me. Maybe we should talk after Wednesday, when our heads are hopefully clearer. I'm still slightly annoyed at "that thing we were talking about", but it wouldn't have hurt as much if it wasn't for what happened today. Every time I get a text...I keep wishing it was from you. But it never is. My heart still aches.
I love you. 羅子欣.

...I feel like shit again.